Miracle
by Sainte Matthewe
Summary: Hakkai's thoughts keep him up one rainy night


Miracle 

Miracle 

By Sainte Matthewe 

Author's Note: Cho Hakkai and all Saiyuuki-related terms are copyrighted 1997 by Minekura Kuzuya and Enix. "Miracle", lyrics and music are copyrighted 1992 by Jon Bon Jovi. 

*** 

Penny for your thoughts now baby 

Looks like the weight of the world's 

On your shoulders now 

Peering out into the world from the dubious safety of the tent, Hakkai sighed. The gloom thickened before his eyes and the rain refused to slacken. Another long and rainy night was ahead of him. 

I know you think you're going crazy 

Just when it seems everything's 

Gonna work itself out 

They drive you right back down 

What did he expect? It was monsoon season, after all. Hakuryuu cooed contentedly as the young man scratched behind the creature's ears. Even the quiet presence of the little dragon did little to relive the depression that loomed. 

And you said it ain't fair 

That a man walks 

When a bird can fly 

We have to kick the ground 

The stars kiss the sky 

They say that spirits live 

A man has to die 

They promised us truth 

Now they're giving us lies. 

It wasn't fair. Not much was. Usually the sunlight, the arguing, and Jiipu were more than enough to distract from those burdens he bore. Burdens that threatened to crush him every time the rain fell, and loneliness set in. 

Gonna take a miracle to save us this time 

And your savior has just left town 

Gonna need a miracle 

`Cause it's all on the line 

And I won't let you down 

The river of your hope is flooding 

And I know the dam is busted 

If you need me, I'll come running 

I won't let you down… no, no… 

He couldn't help it. The rain fell, and the bad memories came flooding back. All over again, he felt like he failed her not once, not twice, but multiple times. He felt so alone. Although, he really wasn't. Green eyes flashed over the other four figures occupying the tent. They were his friends. His salvation, but they had their own problems. 

You're looking for salvation 

You thought that it'd be shining 

Like an angel's light 

Well, the angel's left this nation 

And salvation caught the last train 

Out tonight 

He lost one hell of a fight 

Some salvation. They each had their own problems. Boy, was that the ultimate understatement. Sanzou, for example, liked rainy evenings even less than he did. At present, although his posture was relaxed, Hakkai could tell the young monk was uneasy from the way he was chain-smoking. 

He said I'm just one man, that's all I'll ever be 

I never can be everything you wanted from me 

I've got big plans, so big 

That any blind man can see 

I'm standing in the river 

Now I'm drowning in the sea 

Gojyou, on the other hand, wasn't bothered by the rain, and was engaged in a staring match with the base of a lantern. His problems were of a different sort, but they were obviously on his mind, as he reached up to finger the scars they left on his face. Meanwhile, Gokuu snored in the background. 

Gonna take a miracle to save us this time 

And your savior has just left town 

Gonna need a miracle 

`Cause your heart's on the line 

And your heartbeat is slowing down 

Your feet are grounded still 

You're reaching for the sky 

You can let `em clip your wings 

`Cause I believe that you can fly 

Hakkai closed his eyes a moment, attempting to relax. All the sights and sounds, the blood and screams came rushing back. Kanan and not being able to save her. The unbearable return to loneliness after a few short moments of completeness. He desperately wished for her forgiveness. 

Well, my eyes have seen the horror 

Of the coming of the flood 

I've driven deep the thorny crown 

Into the soul of someone's son 

Still I look you in the eye 

`Cause I believe the things I've thought 

And I'll die without regret 

For the wars that I have fought. 

How strange. He was even more gloomy than usual. Perhaps the run in with Chin Isou had affected him more than he thought. A ghost from his past come to haunt his future. 

He leaned back, gazing upward. Eyelids heavy, the young man let them fall close. The kanji for "sinner" flashed in his fatigued mind. Hakkai sat up. He didn't want to fall asleep thinking about such things. He wanted to think about the dawn on those far away ruins and Sanzou's prayer for the dead. 

Sanzou. One of his most treasured possessions, a friend. Someone he would give his life for. Someone he couldn't dare lose. His heart couldn't take it… 

With those memories filling his head, he fell asleep. 

Gonna take a miracle to save you this time 

And your savior has just left town 

Gonna need a miracle, 

`Cause your heart's doing time 

And your conscious is calling you out 

It ain't all for nothing 

Life ain't written in the sand 

I know the tide is coming 

But its time we made a stand 

With a miracle 

When he finally awoke, the gloom had lightened, but it was still wet. They were going to be stuck in the tent all day, again. Hakkai blinked at the canvas overhead. Hm… He could not remember his dreams, but he had awoken with a feeling of hope and completeness that the rain could not wash away. 

On the other side of the tent, Gokuu shifted in his sleep, nudging Gojyou, who immediately awakened in a foul mood. The subsequent argument interrupted Sanzou's sleep. He was in an even worse mood than the water demon. 

Amidst all the shouting and the flaring tempers, a genuine smile stretched across Hakkai's face for the first time in ages, and made already bright emerald eyes shine anew. His loneness was over. 

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